2016…..are you over yet?
I have heard this phrase repeatedly this past week from the PTSD people are still feeling from the election to the slew of celebrity deaths that have left all creatives just staring at the ball saying,
DROP ALREADY!
And yet, this week, even in the midst of taking in losing such icons as George Michael, Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, I found myself staring at something quite new.
Open Space and hope.
But it took me getting rid of something…actually two things to feel this.
Two things, that took me four years to fully let go of.
In front of me, a sheet, with two columns, listing every item in the apartment, in my home.
Or what was my home.
The words keep blurring as I look at the list, my mind still in shock and my eyes red from crying.
Who knew I had the capacity to cry every day?
Who knew I was going to have to split everything directly down the middle…..
In front of me a list, and for these two items, it was pretty easy to decide how to split.
Two bookcases, one to each,
Two cd towers, one to each.
And so it is.
When I moved into my new apartment post divorce back in 2013, I had anxiety about bringing furniture from my married home. How was this energy for healing?
But my parents had also brought up family pieces from my grandparents, and these pieces brought a great balance to the space.
And I liked these two pieces.
Didn’t I?
Over time, I watched the bookcase become more and more crowded, and the cd tower a joke, as all my music was digital. Yes, I had a huge library of music, but no disc player, and in front of me every day, this tall piece that felt so out of date.
I thought, maybe I can us the cd tower for something else?
And then did nothing, and let it sit….taking up space.
Have you done this?
Last month, while I was in Hawaii, I was getting a ride to the airport with the brilliant Christa O’Leary who is a feng shui expert, and actually services the royal British family. I asked if she had any advice for ways I could clear my space and she said,
It’s good you have been away from your apartment for a bit. When you return home, leave your bags at the door, and then enter your home. See if anything feels off, then you will know what needs to go. And just out of curiosity, is there anything that comes to mind right now?
Oh yes…..
Two bookcases, one to each
Two cd towers, one to each
Taking up space, harboring my past.
And then it all came flooding in, as it wasn’t the pieces themselves..it was the last memory associated with them.
And a story poured out of me in Christa’s car…..both of these pieces were handmade by my ex father in law. I was very close to him. He was a second father to me, and I thought for sure in the face of the divorce, he would fight for me, that he would pull his son aside and say what a mistake he was making.
Little did I know.
I told the story of calling him, in the midst of the storm to beg him to help me, and his resounding answer…
NO.
And Christa said to me,
Even if it’s subconscious, that energy is still playing out in your space.
NO. This is not what I wanted.
I want a space of forgiveness, I want a space of creativity, I want a space to grow and create the life I desire.
And sure enough, when I walked back into my apartment, after being gone for three weeks in November, it was crystal clear. I felt like the cd tower was screaming,
TIME TO GO!
So, as it was three and a half years ago, when my parents moved me into this apartment, they helped me move OUT these two pieces.
Two bookcases…..now just two
Two cd towers….new owners
No more divide.
All those cds? I began to slowly import what wasn’t in my iTunes and donated to my local library.
And the bookcase? It was replaced with a new one that actually could hold my new life, my booming business, and my library of scores, scripts, and fiction.
I placed items onto the new shelves, beaming with the space, beaming with this huge step.
The last thing I placed on the shelf was a glass jar I had with a colorful blue sticker that read,
A Jar For Collecting Everyday Miracles
Inside….small white pieces of paper that had been folded over this past year, of moments I felt were small miracles.
I picked up a small empty piece of paper, and wrote simply in blue ink,
Got rid of the bookshelf and cd tower
I then folded it in thirds, placed it inside, and put the jar on it’s new shelf.
Out my window, I looked at both pieces of furniture lying sideways on the cement sidewalk, their wooden frames in repose.
And then I turned around within my home, to see what lay in their wake.
Space…sweet space.
My God…what a difference.
We can’t change the past. And what we hold on to can be subtle, even sneaky.
It could even be a piece of furniture. It really depends of the story you have lying underneath.
If you are truly desiring to make a difference and turn 2016 into an incredible 2017, then there is really only one question to ask,
What are you holding on to?
Take a moment, and take a breath. Look around and ask if what you are surrounding yourself is keeping you rooted in the past of your failures and smallness…..
And instead ask what will help you GROW.
We create in space, not in constriction. We need to feel the freedom of possibility.
You may have taken a beating this past year, but now you have the chance to rise above the divide.
Now you have the chance for collecting Everyday Miracles.
So, who’s with me?
3, 2, 1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!